Dream: I am moving through tunnels in a foreign, warm place (like a tropical island) with a big sweet black man behind me. There are bushes with berries on them. I sample the fruit each time I see a different one. There are these small doors I have to unlatch and open to keep going. As I go deeper the fruit gets sweeter. The doors open up to more beautiful places. Such a feeling of safety and curiosity and excitement tinged with fear. We get to one very small door deep down and when I unlatch it, there is nothing but black darkness behind it. I close it back up, frightened.
P= Practitioner C= Client
P: I want to touch into the moment you open the small door, with black darkness behind it. I wonder what feelings are there once you open the door and feel this darkness? Is there any memory of such a place?
C: No memory of this feeling, except it feels like my fear of traumas. I can’t stand it. Maybe memories of trauma brought to me from other dreams- sexual abuse and rape, torture in dungeons, having my throat slit, being stabbed, and having to endure these events with no support, no love, no redemption.
P: So what do you mean by no redemption?
C: Redemption for me means a way to be with myself during these experiences, to trust in God’s love as a way through all this. Holding the sanctity of my soul within by trusting there are other realities, that I can endure this and keep my heart open to God’s reality, that I can turn to Him for support.
P: So the blackness for you is a place of trauma with no redemption? Is this where you lose your connection to God?
C: I guess so. It feels like I am standing in front of the small black door, looking into pitch black. To me, the blackness behind the door is about the darkest parts in me, where God is far away. No redemption brings shame for me. I cannot pull myself out of this quicksand of shame.
P: Can you just stay in front of the small door, looking into the blackness and see what else comes up for you?
C: I really don’t want to go into this pitch black. It feels so ominous and I don’t know what is in there.
P: So I am standing here with you. Wow- I feel pretty uncomfortable with this blackness ahead. It is so intense. For me, it’s about not knowing what this is. I stay another moment, staring into the blackness of not knowing. Maybe it’s about my fear of death, since I see glimpses of the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse riding towards the open door. Stay here a moment longer, even though you want to shut the door and seal off the blackness. I want to shut the door, shut out the 4 Horsemen hurtling towards me.
C: As I look back through the door I feel it is edgy, uncomfortable, but it is less life threatening. It is not so terrifying now, but I am still scared, alone and ill at ease.
P: Do you feel anything else coming out of the blackness? (Here, as practitioner, I feel the horror of what’s to come in the real world after this election. But I know this is not what it is for her. I feel that the blackness is the beginning of the end of the world, whether through global warming, nuclear war, or the disenfranchisement of all people of color who have been displaced. I am afraid, tingling with angst. But this is my reaction, and I must acknowledge it then turn to be with her. I get up and start pacing, just to dissolve my own terror and stay with my client’s fear.)
C: No- I just don’t know what else this is.
P: Do you still feel an urgency to shut the door? I still have that urgency inside of me.
C: No- I can stand looking into the blackness, things seem a little less frantic. I probably cannot stay here for too long without shutting the door.
P: Can you take time during your day to just stand in front of this door to see what else might come up for you? This seems to be a not knowing, uncomfortable scary place for you, and it seems like your dreams are showing it to you for a reason that we don’t know. This is your place from this dream. If you need support, feel the sweet black man standing right behind you as you peer into the darkness. Know that he is with you, unlike other times when you were alone in the midst of this darkness, from other dreams. See if you can stay longer when you feel the man behind you. Maybe you can even put his hands on your shoulders to help you stay in the discomfort longer. I suggest this because I need to feel this Divine support for myself in this dream.
P: Can you do that now? Feel the man with you as you stare into the pitch black opening?
C: When I do this knowing he is there, the pitch black shifts into a swirl of yellow light and black as night darkness, a swirl that shifts constantly, is never the same. I don’t know what it is, but at least it is not just pitch blackness, where nothing is visible. The light in the dark, the darkness in the light.