I have always had intense dreams, even since I can remember, even at the age of three. My dreams show me in danger from terrifying men, soldiers, apocalyptic destruction, and unknown evil forces in general. The images from my dreams were often recurring; many of them take place in World War II. In my outer life, I was repeatedly molested at 10, after which, I repressed this memory along with the other terrifying dreams. I turned to outer world accomplishments to soothe my spirit. My dreams were relentless, trying to show me how terrified I have been in this life and perhaps others.
I became a teacher and eventually a wounded healer, working with teachers and children in schools on educational and therapeutic interventions. I also spent a few years in traditional therapy, i.e., the talking cure, to deal with my own inner demons. Despite the therapy, my dreams did not change much. Then in my 50’s I found myself in a crisis; I felt dead inside, devoid of hope, dwelling in a desolate space with no joy or faith in the Divine. I was lying on my chiropractor’s table, mentioning how intense my dreams were and how I wished there was a way to dive into dreams deeply. She told me about a dreamwork group known as North of Eden Archetypal Dreamwork, where I soon began working with an analyst. I quickly discovered the myriad ways I had drifted away from my soul-self. At gatherings, we engaged in psychodrama, by acting out every character and aspect of the dream. This approach resonated deeply in me because it allowed for embodiment. As I learned to let feelings seep into my body viscerally, I uncovered a deep longing to return to myself, to be more present, in the here and now while revisiting dream images.
The biggest gift of this practice is learning to love myself. My dreams with the Anima (the feminine avatar in dreams) taught me to accept myself, despite my anger and my shame. I recognized an old pattern of behavior where I turned away from Divine love; instead, I often chose to stay in a comfort zone by controlling everything in my outer life as a mother, wife, teacher, therapist, or friend. This dreamwork uncovered my pride, thinking I was the expert, always right about everything, in order to avoid feeling the memories of my personal sexual traumas. With this newly found self-acceptance, I am more aware of and know when to give voice to my own wants and needs. Secondly, I am learning to accept others as they are, rather than judging, or wanting to capitulate to please others to the point of losing my own sense of self. Instead, I have learned to accept the presence of a vulnerable, wounded girl in me, sitting within my feelings of joy, pain, and connection to God.
Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, I have become more and more aware of universal love, the omnipresence of the Divine within and without, and my spiritual connection to Gaia. It is in me and all around me, and I am learning to turn towards it. After a long marriage of over 40 years to a sweet man and a period of deep grief at his sudden death, I have recently married an old dear friend who has loved me from afar for many years. I am more able to experience and receive Divine love, which in turn nourishes this new love in my life. By working with my dreams, I have uncovered my Archetypal soul girl who lives in me, holding space for my wounds along with my glorious spirit.
Currently, I have dream clients who work with me in one-on-one sessions to explore their unique dreams and their healing messages. I also facilitate dream play gatherings for people curious about the deeper messages of their dreams, and work as a Hospice volunteer for dying patients.